Terminated Our Mono/Mono Twin Pregnancy - I feel so guilty and sorry.

by Tara
(Pittsburgh, PA)

Our first sonogram (both babies and yolk)

Our first sonogram (both babies and yolk)

Earlier this summer my fiance and I discovered we were pregnant. (Actually, it was confirmed I was pregnant on the same day my Grandmother passed away.) The pregnancy was quite a surprise and unexpected - it was estimated I was about 6 weeks when we found out.

At about the same time I became very ill with nausea and major cramping/pain and ended up in the emergency room and I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis. The doctors sent me for an ultrasound. During the ultrasound the technician was very quiet and said she had to go get her supervisor. When the doctor came in he asked, "Was this pregnancy expected?" to which I replied "No." He then asked, "Well...is it wanted?" I was baffled at the question and didn't even know how to answer.

He went on to explain that I was pregnant with mono/mono twins and that he thought they were conjoined. I would have to go to a high risk ob/gyn the next day. I was so shocked and devastated. My fiance wasn't with me so I asked for a printout of the ultrasound to help try to explain to him what was going on.

For weeks we went to one high risk ob/gyn after another. Finally, through ultrasound after ultrasound it was determined the pregnancy wasn't conjoined. After much research our doctors told us that essentially the mortality rate of our twins would be really high and that there wasn't much of a chance of survival.

I was put on the chemotherapy medication, Zofran, for my nausea and lost 25 pounds in a month. After 3 more emergency room visits our doctors said we could either continue what would be a hellacious pregnancy and still possibly lose both babies or terminate the pregnancy. At that point our babies were given a 60% mortality rate.

In the end my fiance and I chose to terminate our pregnancy. I had a D&C at our hospital on August 21, 2008. We never even found out if they were boys or girls, but I always felt that they were girls, so we named them Emily & Rebecca.

It hasn't been long since the procedure and I feel absolutely shattered and terrible about it. I keep second-guessing our decision. I feel like a coward and guilty about what I did to my babies. I feel like I should have continued the pregnancy - no matter what. It's so hard to see and hear all the stories of all of the healthy mono/mono twin pregnancies.

I just wanted to post this for anyone else who may have terminated their mono/mono twins. Thank you to everyone for sharing.

Comments for Terminated Our Mono/Mono Twin Pregnancy - I feel so guilty and sorry.

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Feb 16, 2010
My deepest sympathys
by: Gina Murdoch

I dont think you have a thing to be guilty about. You did what what you had to do and that is all their is to it. I hope you find peace and go on to have a happy, healthy, pregnancy in your future. My mother is an intensive care pediatric nurse who does private duty, she takes care of children born with terribile diseases and suffer. She watches it often times break up families and often time end in divorce. She watches the damage it does to other siblings as well. You did the right thing..you have a gut feeling...and you listened to it. You should be proud of how brave you are. You will overcome this tragedy. I wish you a happy healthy family in the future.

Jun 27, 2009
hang in there
by: josie g

you did what felt right at the time. be mindful that the anniversary date is coming up in August. make sure you take care of yourself and forgive yourself but it is not easy. that was a very tough decision to make. thanks for sharing your story. i am 9 weeks, just diagnosed with mono mono. i am scared but i am hopeful and praying and asking people to pray for my pregnancy/babies.

Feb 02, 2009
Sorrow for you loss
by: Anonymous

Tara, I am the Grandma to mono mono twin girls. My heart breaks for you. I don't know your pain but I feel your sorrow. I pray for you Tara that God will heal your broken heart and mend your wounds (Pslms 147:3). He is the only one that can bring you peace. Call on Him this day ask Him for forgiveness and be freed from the guilt that over whelms you.

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